Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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