so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
