How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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