I hate all girls vehemently.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
