It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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