Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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