mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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