guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
its liver damage thursday
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
