there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize