We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
