Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
