turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
