his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
