Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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