if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw a hot homeless man
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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