There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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