He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
