I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
