woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
