Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
