And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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