i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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