Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize