Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
