Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
