I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Come on in and take your pants off
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
