i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
