Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I need to stop coming to work sober
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
