Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
