also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
