Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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