I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
