Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
