i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
