I faked an abortion last night.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
