Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
