trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
