i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
