How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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