I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
