Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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