HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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