Betty ford says i'm here all night
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
