THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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