If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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