Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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