i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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