my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
