I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
