I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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