my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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