he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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