I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
