Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
