Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I skipped work to stalk him.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
