What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
