after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
