Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
