i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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