And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
