You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
