I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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