dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
