...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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